shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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