It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
