the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
