Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
