On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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