I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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