Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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