someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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