I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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