I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
