you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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