Whod you bang
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
