My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
