The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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