I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
