Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
