Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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