My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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