Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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