I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
