found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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