i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
