I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
