Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
