He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
