I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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