You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
