I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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