My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
