allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
