How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
