wat bout pragnant strippers??
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
