we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
