I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
