would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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