In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
