There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
