I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
