we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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