So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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