Little spoons don't ask big questions
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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