I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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