You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
