He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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