You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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