If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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