So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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