the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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