We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
