I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
