I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
